Disappointment

Big word.

Big meaning. Big affect.

I have been disappointed and have disappointed as a result.

Its the one thing we can all be assured of, that on many an occasion we will disappoint someone we care about, or be disappointed by some thing.

In my case I got so angry as a consequence not only of my managers' (yes, that's plural) apparent inability to recognise their responsibility for the current state of affairs, my disappointment boiled over resulting in my speechless departure from a meeting before I said things that probably would have got me sacked or, at the very least, a written warning.

Following from that little 'fit of pique' my week did not go well so by Friday my head was not in its best place.

So, I passed my disappointment forward by not attending a social gathering for a friend's son's 17th birthday. As I have known the lad since he was but a bump this did not go down well.

I have disappointed his mother, not unreasonably, by my 'selfish' actions of preferring to stay at home and solve my depression using the power of wine rather than attending the party.

As I have since texted back - it was not my intent to 'disappoint', but then are any of our actions to do that?

That's the problem with disappointment. Its reflexive. We feel it as a consequence of someone else doing or saying something we didn't want them to.

I say: learn to accept that most people don't do what you want them to. Over the years I have been disappointed by many people but I would never make them feel bad about it by actively bringing it to their attention. Maybe that's another of my disappointing traits: maybe I should insist friends and family do things I want them to do more, and tell them I am disappointed in them if they choose not to.

What is Life if not a series of disappointments.

You'd think we'd be used to it by now?

There is always Hope.