Monday, 27 December 2010

The Hinterland

Well, that's that then.

Here we are in that gap between familial fixed grins and New Year tears.

Actually, this year has been much like most of late. Lunch round my Dad's, sober; leave early evening: get plastered.

I actually received a fair number of presents. Mostly down to my overly generous sister who knows how much I drink at the moment and kindly fed my habit.

So, the gap. Luckily I go back to work on Wednesday so I can fill those few hours with frustration and boredom pending an early night on Friday.

I shall not make any resolutions as THAT's something I really don't understand. Even though I do need to take action with regard to my future - both in terms of health and employment and general contentment.

If anyone has any ideas about the last bit...

All the very best!

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

quiet time

It seems my blogging is based on frustration, annoyance and anger.

That can't be a good thing, now can it? So I thought I'd write one while calm and reasonably relaxed.

So, gardening eh? What's all that about? And don't get me started on decorating, cars or D.I.Y.

Ok. I need to get angry.


Tuesday, 6 July 2010


A bit of history.

A couple of weeks ago I e-mailed a team leader with a couple of queries regarding the working practices of colleagues under his control.

It was, I thought, polite, specific and gave examples of the concerns I thought pertinent to draw to his attention for the better performance of the department and so creating a better experience for our customers.

I believed that, in my role, advising the team leader directly was the best course of action to take. I would then leave it to him to take any action he considered appropriate.

A few days later, my e-mail was returned to me as part of a thread.

The team leader had forwarded my e-mail to all the officers of his team, un-adapted or modified.  The boomeranging trail was simply ended with a note from the team leader inviting me to 'see the reply below': one officer had, not surprisingly, responded in a short, direct manner.

Now, I have a few issues with the events as they occurred, but the main one being that a senior officer simply forwarded a genuine work-based issue to their team without either, checking with me directly first if they needed to understand my request, or even to let me know if I had raised my concerns in an in-approriate manner. They then had not even softened the issue by raising it with the team verbally and in his own words, or by adapting my e-mail so that it came 'from him'.

Angered by this I then contacted my team leader expressing my disappointment at the above, i.e. the affect it could have on my working relationship with my colleagues for example.

Bored yet? It gets better.

Today I was told by my team leader, that my original e-mail had apparently been perceived to be so inappropriate that I was very close to being 'spoken to' by my Senior Officer. (Its a whole hierarchy thing. You may have noticed.)

The insanity of the process even got from the team leader, to his senior officer who took it to their colleague, my 'senior officer', and thence to the departmental manager.

Fortunately for me, my team leader has an abundance of common sense and actually defended my actions and even argued that my original e-mail points were valid. Sadly, that issue seems to have been lost in what I shall now forever refer to as 'e-mailgate'.

So today, myself and my team leader had a little chat about it all and, even though at the time I was extremely annoyed at 'e-mailgate' the insanity of the fallout brightened my day no-end.

I shall only say one thing on the matter: it appears to me that, from my personal and no-doubt limited and ill-informed perspective, the lunatics have indeed taken over my asylum.

Saturday, 3 July 2010


Big word.

Big meaning. Big affect.

I have been disappointed and have disappointed as a result.

Its the one thing we can all be assured of, that on many an occasion we will disappoint someone we care about, or be disappointed by some thing.

In my case I got so angry as a consequence not only of my managers' (yes, that's plural) apparent inability to recognise their responsibility for the current state of affairs, my disappointment boiled over resulting in my speechless departure from a meeting before I said things that probably would have got me sacked or, at the very least, a written warning.

Following from that little 'fit of pique' my week did not go well so by Friday my head was not in its best place.

So, I passed my disappointment forward by not attending a social gathering for a friend's son's 17th birthday. As I have known the lad since he was but a bump this did not go down well.

I have disappointed his mother, not unreasonably, by my 'selfish' actions of preferring to stay at home and solve my depression using the power of wine rather than attending the party.

As I have since texted back - it was not my intent to 'disappoint', but then are any of our actions to do that?

That's the problem with disappointment. Its reflexive. We feel it as a consequence of someone else doing or saying something we didn't want them to.

I say: learn to accept that most people don't do what you want them to. Over the years I have been disappointed by many people but I would never make them feel bad about it by actively bringing it to their attention. Maybe that's another of my disappointing traits: maybe I should insist friends and family do things I want them to do more, and tell them I am disappointed in them if they choose not to.

What is Life if not a series of disappointments.

You'd think we'd be used to it by now?

There is always Hope.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

"Modern Life is.." Discuss. (Do not use more than 2 sides of A4)


Its about 'work' again. Or at least 'being employed'.

The current position seems to be:

''We have no money. So if You'd be so kind as to work at least twice as hard for less recompense  we'll keep you on. Ok with You. Gosh, thanks."

There appears to be a distinct lack of humanity.

Don't get me wrong, I find the next person as annoying as the next person, but I at least try to treat the next person as a person, as opposed to a 'Device to get Me to Something I Want'.

In the world of 'work' the current 'managerial' style seems to consist of:

"We've been tasked to do something that, even with the best will in the world, given the resources We've been lumbered with, is nigh on impossible; but We're not going to admit that publicly 'cos We've told the 'Powers That Be' that We're Great and Can Do what They want want, even though We think They're a bunch of idiots. Cos that's how We got into this position in the first place i.e. by Using Other People."

So, if We are not seen to be achieving the goals set by You, then its not the fault of 'Those In Charge', its the fault of those 'Doing the Work'.

You are just being lazy!

Now, I don't know about you, but to me this has the whiff of a totalitarian state hiding in the shadow of a real need to change how work is carried out for the real benefit of all of us.

Sounds familiar.

We Know what We're Doing. You need to be controlled because You are a child who needs their hand held.

If You are naughty We will punish You. Even though We have no idea what We are doing, but it gives Us the air of superiority and a sense of control.

What ever happened to Us?

                                                           we are being watched.

Thursday, 25 February 2010

I'd blog...

But.. I'm either too angry and incoherent. Or not angry enough so cant drum up the interest.


How've you been?

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Creativity, Twitter & The Blog.

Been thinking about the inertia issue. Again. 

I was wondering why I am able to waste entire days sitting about, watching t.v., watching dvds, commenting on the 'evil' Twitter, with occasional Facebook updates.

A Tweeting friend brought up the issue of 'creativity'.

In some ways Twitter is creative. Either from the point of view of instigating a multi-braching conversation, making someone 'LOL' at a comment or reply, by sharing photographs or by introducing, or being introduced to, new ideas, music, artists etc as a result of following a posted link.

However, true creativity is not spontaneous. 

It may result from a single idea, a mark on a page, but requires consideration, refining, honing and, most importantly in my opinion, time to mature.

I have toyed with creativity, wrote a derivative novel at age 19 (who hasn't!) and even sent it off to a few agents. I take photographs (doesn't EVERYONE these days?) some of which have been admired by friends and some of which even I think are okay. I even submitted words for a page of a collective online comic event which was used. Ahh, the irrational joy I felt to see my words translated into a picture.

I also have a friend who writes and it is this aspect that I think is really important.

The thing about Twitter and Facebook and all these 'social networking' sites, is that they bring folk like me into contact with people who can and do creative stuff. Its the standard thought: well if THEY can do it why can't I

The answer, of course, is 'I' can. 

But, and its a big BUT, the distinction between those who do and those who dream is the Act itself. It is the determination to do something; the energy and commitment to see something through or to put something on one side if it isn't 'working', the self-belief and, as important I think, a supportive environment.

Maybe I should try to write something. All I need is a good idea and a bit of determination not to waste Time.